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My husband Don and I have been married for 17 years, however, the first 15 were awfully tumultuous. We argued all the time and just could not get along.
I now realize that I went into marriage thinking I would be a glorified girlfriend and that my husband would love me unconditionally until “death did we part.” That lasted all of three weeks. That’s it. The honeymoon and my fairy tale marriage was over with the ring of the telephone.
That one phone call took my marriage on a downward spiral for years. That phone call was answered by my new husband with an old boyfriend on the other side. When my husband asked me about it, I told him we were just friends. He search for anything to prove me a liar. He found my journals from back in the day that proved otherwise. Our three week euphoria was over. Trust was destroyed. We were no longer in love or like, for that matter.
In the midst of trying to hold my new marriage together, I ran to the library, combing the aisles for something, anything to help me.
I did not find any books by African American women. All I found were lots of Urban Fiction books full of infidelity and lots of hot, steamy sex. My mom was a Harlequin Romance bag-lady. She carried those books everywhere she went, so I searched through a few of those too. I could never get past the first chapter without feeling like an utter failure. After all, the main characters didn’t look or live like me and they, with their new found loves, always seemed to ride off into the sunset, living happily ever after.
While living in Germany, I was introduced to Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. I devoured this book from cover to cover. I wrote in it A LOT. I read those prayers out loud in all earnest because I knew my life and my marriage depended on it. That book, along with my Bible, were the two books that helped me keep my sanity and helped me stay married. My husband wasn’t abusive; we just had a marriage full of bitterness and a serious lack of trust. We argued about everything and only had sex when I couldn’t take his begging anymore.
Join me Wednesday for Part 2……
BMWK, What books had a profound impact on improving or even restoring your marriage?
Great advice!!! I have all the power of prayer editions!!
Yes ma’am….I gave so many copies away. Now I give mine….
Haha! I’m freelancing that book in real life. I love your 3 weeks. That’s all it took.. Marriage is work, and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary, but we still learn daily about each other 🙂
YOu got this! I know how it is but with a little proper perspective, you can do this marriage thang!
Okay, first let me say how amazing it is you have been married for 17 years! I know you said many of those years were challenging, but to know that you both stayed together and are stronger than ever is truly an inspiration for me! I’ve been married for 5 years and we have had our rough times. I am so glad you are sharing the books that helped you with your marriage! I LOVE Stormie Omartian!! I have her book The Praying Woman’s Journal! It is SO good! I need to check out Power of the Praying Wife! Looking forward to your next post!
I have not read the Praying Woman Journal. I will have to check it out.
Tanya, I love your transparency! My husband and I just “celebrated” our 8th anniversary. I was traveling here in the states, and he was in Uganda on a mission trip. Marriage is hard work, and lots of us have a beautiful wedding and think that love is enough to get you through everything. Ha…not true! I look forward to reading the rest of this series. Thanks for the resource. I think I’ll buy a few for myself and my girlfriends. <3
Yes ma’am! God released me to share my story with women to help them along the way. I hope you do pick the other books up.
Congratulations on 17 yrs. I have been married 6 yrs , yes s lot of work. I was not prepared for the changes from relation to marriage. We’ve been through a lot. You must consistently work together. I am so thankful for you sharing on different situations you encountered. I always thought it was only me. Woman don’t seem to open up and discuss things. We can be someone else answer. I so appreciate you and Don sharing and look for more to come. I think I have Stormie’s book. Need to check if not need to go get it and start doing some praying and confessing. Thanks Smooches💋
Much love sis! Hang in there! Trust me, if Don and I can make it this long, anyone can. LOL! I would not change any of that for the world.
Girl! My mouth is open like I’m reading one of those novels you said your mother reads. I appreciate your truth, it is setting some of us free. It is also calling some of down to the carpet.
That’s all I want to do. When I look back over it all, its a wonder I still have eyelashes…..LOL!
That is great you wrote your book, so when others are going through things in there marriage they will have a book to read. Sometimes we go through things so that we can help others. I know it has not been an easy 17 years but congrats on sticking it out with one another when i know at times you wanted to give up
Yes, sis! I thought about other women who would need a book like mine to help them.
Congratulations on your marriage and thanks for sharing your journey.
I am not married but I will check this book out.
http://www.distinguisheddiva.com/
Listen, I wish I read books before getting married. It is work but I wouldn’t change any of it.
I have to add The Power of a Praying Wife to my wishlist. I like the Five Love Languages, and A.R. Bernard’s book.
Yes, Praying Wife was my go to book for years.
OMG I need a copy this would be right on time for us. We have a great relationship that I pray it continues to flourish
Awesome! I think it is important as wives to grow when we can.
I’m always looking for content to help me grow as a wife. Thank you for this!
I know right! It is so important to grow as a wife!
Congrats on 17 years. I’m not currently married, but they look like some great reads.
Yes, ma’am. Make sure to read Part 2.
Congratulations on 17 years!! I have the Power of the Praying life, and have had it for years. I just can’t get into it! I’ll try again LOL
Girl, I understand. Check out my book…. http://realwifemovement.com/4-books-made-marriage-better-part-2/
Thats for the reading suggestions. I am not married yet but I will keep these options in mind.
I wish I had read books before I got married.
wow 17 years! much love and support. i love 5 love languages. Helps me think about who we all love differently and to be mindful of how my partner wants be loved, which isnt always whats most easiest or comfortable for me! takes practice
Thank you lady! Being married is not easy but it is worth it.
I think the love languages book really helped our marriage. We also read the languages of forgiveness as well which was another eye opener and really helped us when either of us needed forgiveness even for the smallest things.
Yes, that is such a great book. Every couple needs to read it.