Tag Archives: purpose

5 Tips For Making My Blended Family Work

And the Two Became THREE
And the Two Became THREE

Many people ask, “how did you make your blended family work?” With so much divorce in our society, I can see how this perplexes folks. My prayer is that these 5 tips will help you in this journey called, LIFE.

Christmas in Germany
Christmas in Germany
  1. Pray!!!! I am so serious about this. Bringing children and a spouse together is a totally different dynamic that can make or break a new marriage. I prayed so many times for God to give me directions on how to keep not only my mind stayed on Him but on how to keep my cool. If you don’t have a prayer life, I would suggest starting today. Something like, “Look God, I need your help.” That’s how my prayers always started.
  2. I had to make some adjustments. At first, I did not want Don to discipline Gabi. This caused so much anger and frustration at the beginning of our marriage. But God has a sense of humor, because I found myself on bed-rest 7 months into our marriage. So guess who had to do everything?? Don did! That included disciplining Gabi. Once I made that adjustment and trusted him to love her, the arguments in that area stopped. We had other areas to overcome but we both had to agree to do what was best for not only her, but also for the two children we created.

    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
  3. We had to be okay with some things and not try to force it. I wanted to change Gabi’s last name to Barnett for the longest time. Every time we tried, something would happen. We even got her father on board with it but, he would change his mind right before we filed papers. Once I got over this thing that I wanted so bad, it didn’t matter. The funny thing about it is that, now she is married, and her last name is that of her husband.
  4. Let things happen organically. I wanted Don to be like my dad, but he is nothing like him. The more insisted he do things like my dad, the more he did the opposite which was, nothing at all. Once I eased up, he found his place with her. They both love movies, so every time a movie came out, they were right there. She ran track
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003

    and he loved track, so he decided to be her coach. This lasted for years until she got to high school. Now that she is in the Coast Guard, she calls him all the time and some times I have no clue that they even had a conversation.

  5. We never used the word STEP.  We felt like that made an immediate division in the home. So from the outset, he was daddy to her and he called her is daughter. No one knew he wasn’t her biological unless we told them, which wasn’t often. She has written him beautiful poetry since growing up calling him daddy. She calls her biological father by his first name. This organically happened and I’m glad we made a choice to not use STEP in our home.

Was having a blended family easy? Absolutely NOT! However,  we had to make conscious efforts to have real conversations about what was acceptable and what was not. I love what Don and Gabi’s relationship has finally become.

How have you made your blended family work?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

Love Pays Dividends

Love pays dividends big time when you are a giver. This weekend was uber busy for me! I took a 2 day road trip round trip that was exhausting but rewarding.

When I got home, hubby was handling Sunday dinner and getting our teens ready for school the next day. While I was in the shower, he ran out to get me these vibrant orange roses. He said he got them “JUST BECAUSE”. He said that I am always giving to others and he wanted to just give me something he knew I love: flowers.

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Vibrant Thing

Tuesday, he was stuck in traffic for over an hour and only drove about 15 miles from home. He turned around, went home  and decided to take the day off. He called me a few minutes before my lunch break to say he was coming by with lunch-for me. You know the best thing about this, he got my order right without asking what I wanted. LOL!!

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Lunch date side by side in our cars. #LovemesomeHim

To top it all off, he calls me and asks me to come straight home without making any stops. This dude grabs my keys when I walk in the door and heads to get new tires put on my car. I’ve been needing tires for a few months but our schedule never permitted for me to have them replaced.

New tires baby!!!
New tires baby!!!

You may be wondering why I titled this post, Love Pays Dividends. Well, I used to be an extremely selfish wife who complained unmercifully. Once I changed my ways, made deposits of love and respected my husband, he began to reciprocate. So, love does indeed pay dividends and I’m thankful we are both getting a return on our investments.

How do you and your husband make deposits of love into each other?

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Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

3 Life Lessons From My Book Signing Road Trip

This was my 1st road trip alone, since my book launched on June 4, 2016. On my 4hr drive back, I thought about the weekend and learned these 3 life lessons.

My moms friends, Mrs. Bragg celebrated her 91st birthday. 3rd picture is my mom's high school teacher.
My moms friends, Mrs. Bragg celebrated her 91st birthday. 3rd picture is my mom’s high school teacher.
  1. Your greatest blessings, most times, come in small packages. Initially, I didn’t want to go to this event because it was a small venue and I had no idea how many people were coming.  The blessing: I had an opportunity to learn from women in their 80s and 90s. Mrs. Bragg  said, “I’m not looking for a man my age. All they want is a nurse and my purse. They not getting my purse and I didn’t train to be no nurse.” #wisdom
  2. The amount of a gift is not as important as the heart behind the gift. Due to the generous support of these ladies, I was able to bless a young lady with a $100 donation for college. Initially, I felt like a failure for not raising more money but I realized that my donation was BIG in God’s eyes.
  3. It’s important to enjoy the journey. My family always drives through the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel without stopping at the bridge. Well, since I was by myself, I decided to stop. I was able to stand where the Atlantic Ocean dumps into the Chesapeake Bay. It was a relaxing experience and I did not have to rush. At my parent’s house,  my daddy fed me well and sent me hone with goodies for my family.

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I enjoyed being able to learn from from these hilarious seasoned ladies and spending time with my parents. It was a great trip and I am looking forward to many more.

Have you ever learned a life lesson on a trip you took by yourself?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

The Multifaceted Wife

What the heck is ta multifaceted wife? Am I her? Is this a good or bad thing? These were questions I had when I was asked to minister this message.

Since I had no clue what Multifaceted truly meant (I only heard it a 20 thousand times in my adult life), I decided to it look up. Trust, I am not that super smart. I chose to begin with the root word: FACET.

The 1st Webster definition of facet is: a small, flat surface on a jewel. That’s just one side.

WOW! I love this definition! So if we are multifaceted, then we make up all the sides of a jewel. This then technically makes us jewels. Right?

Zechariah 9:16 (NLT) On that day the Lord their God will rescue his people, just as a shepherd rescues his sheep. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown.

Girl, did you see that?? Jewels in a crown. That’s in the BIBLE!

Photo credit: © 2016 Hamid Bros.

Jewels are unbreakable and always shining. Beautiful! To be cherished. Priceless! One of a kind. Irreplaceable! Needs insurance and added to your homeowner’s policy. Wow! We are some pretty important ladies.  I know when I got my 15 year anniversary ring with that elusive “big rock”, I just knew I was something special girlfriend.

So, how does this correlate to being a wife. Well, in my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real, I share the many roles we play as wives. Nurse, secretary, travel agent, chef, laundress, mistress, counselor and the l

Queen Esther Photo credit: www.womeninthebible.net © Copyright 2006 Elizabeth Fletcher
Queen Esther w/crown
Photo credit: www.womeninthebible.net
© Copyright 2006
Elizabeth Fletcherell

ist goes on and on. Those descriptions show just how multifaceted we are. I’m sure many of you can testify that you are your husband’s jewel. Priceless in his eyes even if he doesn’t express it (I got, “you know you are so why do I have to say it?”).

So as you go along this day, keep your head up if your marriage is a hot mess right now. There is hope on the other side! Trust me, I was there. When I focused on my multifaceted and often complex role as a wife, my marriage changed. If God did it for me, He will most certainly do it for you sis!

Romans 8:28 Amplified Bible (AMP) And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

What roles do you fill for your husband? If not married, how can you prepare to fill the multiple roles of a wife?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

I didn�t mean to quit my job; purpose made me do it.

As I sat in the parking lot of my good government job, I wrestled once again with going back home or going inside. I cried out to God and told him I couldn�t do this anymore. I hated my job with all my heart and soul and my supervisor was the absolute worst. She prided herself on making people cry and I prided myself on never letting her see me cry. I filed two grievances against her already but her behavior didn�t change. She had three years left before retirement and I realized upper management kept her there because of this. I knew I was wasting my time and energy at this job. Over and over again, day after miserable day, I sat looking at my computer screen wondering why I was even there. I had no purpose there. I was doing like most of my friends, working a job I hated. I worked nine to ten hour days just to have every other Friday off in conjunction with taking the opposite Friday off using up all of my sick leave. My friends made fun of me and always asked if I was ever going to work a Friday. I called them my mental health Fridays.quit job

Shaking like a leaf and sobbing uncontrollably, I called my husband from my car. I told him I was putting in my one week notice and he was speechless. I asked him not to question my decision but to trust that I heard God. Thankfully, he said, �okay�. I got myself together and thanked God for a husband who trusted me when I said I was making a faith decision. I went inside, sat in my cubicle and turned on my computer. �Once again, I was bombarded with yet more of her childish and condescending emails. I turned off my monitor and prayed. In the midst of me praying, I clearly heard, �I am with you. I will never leave nor forsake you. Before I formed you, I knew you. Be of good courage. Lean not to your own understanding but acknowledge me and I will direct your path.� I went to the ladies room to praise Him for His Word and the peace that came over me. I knew I was not serving my God given purpose at this job and that it was time to move on.

You see, I took this job because money was tight for my family and it was the first job to call me since being a stay at home mom for 5 years. My last home day care child left to attend preschool and people were pressuring me to now work a �real job�. While at home, I was happy and loving the children God blessed me to watch while their parents worked. I was able to homeschool my kids for 2 years during which time, we did not have money issues. I had peace with what I was doing and the families I served loved the atmosphere of my home day care. I was here when my dad was discharged from the hospital from kidney cancer surgery and was able to take care of him until he felt strong enough to go home to recuperate. I was available for my brother and his kids when they needed me most.

Sitting at my computer, I told God straight up that I was putting my trust totally in Him to provide for my family. I was so sure of this decision, I typed my one paragraph resignation within five minutes. It was Monday morning and Friday was going to be my last day. I had no idea what was in store for me as I took this leap of faith, but I knew it was time to trust God 100% and not myself. I said one more prayer in the elevator, hoping that I would not pass out from hyperventilating. That walk to my supervisor�s office was long but I made it. I handed her my resignation and she didn�t even acknowledge it, so I turned around and walked out of her office.

Two days later, I received a phone call from the local public schools to ask me if I could take a long term substitute position. It was for a first grade classroom teacher and would be for at least three months. I excited shouted, �YES!� and thanked her profusely. I called my husband with the good news and he was once again, speechless. I actually called my supervisor and told her I needed the rest of the day off. I was overwhelmed that God came through for me once again. I had no idea this leap of faith was setting me up to be an entrepreneur. It was in this classroom that God showed me my purpose: to be a blessing to children. In trusting God, my nonprofit, Forever Free Books was born.

I didn�t mean to quit my job; purpose made me do it. I found that when you seek God in every area of your life, He brings your purpose out of you. We have a mission on this earth and so many of us live our lives trying to live up to other people�s expectations. This leaves us empty and void so we become shopaholics and addicted to things that aren�t good for us. I am speaking from experience and it was a miserable existence. �Now, I�m not saying, that living a life of purpose is easy, that would be a lie. What I am saying is that living a life of purpose gives you a sense of wholeness that is unexplainable. It�s something that can�t be faked. It is something others can see without you opening up your mouth. Purpose will make you do things that don�t make sense to the average person, your loved ones or even to you. This is where your faith has to kick in and take over. I am thankful that since taking that leap of faith, God has placed some amazing women in my life to help me walk out my purpose. That�s the beautiful thing about God, He will give you the tools you need to fulfill the purpose He has given to you to be a blessing to others. If you are feeling empty, pray and ask God, what your gift to the world is. He will reveal it to you. Your life will never be the same, you will have peace and you will be free to be who He has called you to be. I promise.