I had been living with a lot of guilt lately. It was not from anything that I did but it still robbed me of my joy and thanksgiving. I had been feeling guilty for all the good things happening in my life recently.I wanted to rejoice that my parents and brothers would be at my house for Thanksgiving. I wanted to celebrate the true love my husband now has for me after 17 years of marriage. I wanted to celebrate my oldest daughter being successful in the Coast Guard after all the things she put us through – there is another book in the making telling this story. I wanted to celebrate my baby girl finally getting on Honor Roll after 5 years of bad grades and matching behavior. I wanted to celebrate all of this but guilt was holding me hostage and I was having difficulty being thankful.
I felt guilty that all the negative things in my life were working out for my good. I’m sure you are wondering why I would feel this way.
I felt (past tense) this way because some of my friends are not experiencing the same victories. I felt guilty that I have both of my parents alive and active in my life. I have friends who don’t have their parents here anymore and others, like my husband, whose mother is not in his life.
I felt guilty because my husband and I stayed married while we constantly witnessed our friends’ marriages fall apart. I felt guilty because I wrote a book about our marriage restoration and its successful. I felt guilty because my friends who were going through in their marriages when I was, still are. I felt like I was pushing my success in their faces.
I felt guilty that I lost 53lbs and kicked diabetes in the butt but I have friends who are still struggling with weight and who are on several medicines because of it.I felt guilty because Gabi, who once was in jail, got her life together while other friends kids are still out there. I felt guilty that I have a church home that I love and one that my family is thriving in, but I have a few friends whose husbands don’t even go to church with them.
I even wondered if sharing my recent success was a form of bragging. Every time I got ready to post on my blog, I got nervous. I wanted to hide everything I was doing, but as a blogger, it’s my job to write about what I am doing. My mentor would fuss me out every rim I didn’t post. As the Real Wife Coach, it’s my job to encourage other women that they can have happy and healthy relationships.While chatting with my dad over coffee the other morning, he reminded me that I didn’t go through hell and back in my marriage to keep it to myself. He reminded me that God is using it for my good and for the good of countless other women and their families. He reminded me that I deserve God’s blessings.
He reminded me to be thankful that my life is turning around for the better. He reminded me to be thankful that I still have both him and mommy. He said God is blessing my friends, who parents are deceased, in other ways. He reminded me to be thankful that God answered my many years and prayers for my children.So today, I am making a choice to be thankful minus the guilt this Thanksgiving. I will rejoice in God’s goodness. I will be thankful that my dad will be fussing about cooking thanksgiving dinner, once again, even though he bought all the groceries and brought his pots and pans with him. I will be thankful that I love my honey and he loves me. I will be thankful that my kids are great kids.
I will be thankful that God is God and that is enough.