5 Tips For Making My Blended Family Work

Posted on Posted in Embracing Change, Embracing Life, Embracing Marriage, Embracing Parenting
And the Two Became THREE
And the Two Became THREE

Many people ask, “how did you make your blended family work?” With so much divorce in our society, I can see how this perplexes folks. My prayer is that these 5 tips will help you in this journey called, LIFE.

Christmas in Germany
Christmas in Germany
  1. Pray!!!! I am so serious about this. Bringing children and a spouse together is a totally different dynamic that can make or break a new marriage. I prayed so many times for God to give me directions on how to keep not only my mind stayed on Him but on how to keep my cool. If you don’t have a prayer life, I would suggest starting today. Something like, “Look God, I need your help.” That’s how my prayers always started.
  2. I had to make some adjustments. At first, I did not want Don to discipline Gabi. This caused so much anger and frustration at the beginning of our marriage. But God has a sense of humor, because I found myself on bed-rest 7 months into our marriage. So guess who had to do everything?? Don did! That included disciplining Gabi. Once I made that adjustment and trusted him to love her, the arguments in that area stopped. We had other areas to overcome but we both had to agree to do what was best for not only her, but also for the two children we created.

    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
  3. We had to be okay with some things and not try to force it. I wanted to change Gabi’s last name to Barnett for the longest time. Every time we tried, something would happen. We even got her father on board with it but, he would change his mind right before we filed papers. Once I got over this thing that I wanted so bad, it didn’t matter. The funny thing about it is that, now she is married, and her last name is that of her husband.
  4. Let things happen organically. I wanted Don to be like my dad, but he is nothing like him. The more insisted he do things like my dad, the more he did the opposite which was, nothing at all. Once I eased up, he found his place with her. They both love movies, so every time a movie came out, they were right there. She ran track
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003

    and he loved track, so he decided to be her coach. This lasted for years until she got to high school. Now that she is in the Coast Guard, she calls him all the time and some times I have no clue that they even had a conversation.

  5. We never used the word STEP.  We felt like that made an immediate division in the home. So from the outset, he was daddy to her and he called her is daughter. No one knew he wasn’t her biological unless we told them, which wasn’t often. She has written him beautiful poetry since growing up calling him daddy. She calls her biological father by his first name. This organically happened and I’m glad we made a choice to not use STEP in our home.

Was having a blended family easy? Absolutely NOT! However,  we had to make conscious efforts to have real conversations about what was acceptable and what was not. I love what Don and Gabi’s relationship has finally become.

How have you made your blended family work?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

20 thoughts on “5 Tips For Making My Blended Family Work

  1. This is so beautiful. I absolutely love the stories you share in your posts. I don’t have my own family but as I said before, you give me butterflies at the thought. I LOVE how you do not incorporate “step” into it. I also laughed at the name change business because my birthfather (who I don’t even talk to) made my mother add his name. Now, I’m just waiting to get rid of this hyphenated name of mine. Come on, Lord! lol

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I share what’s on my heart rather than stuff to get likes. If it helps just one woman, then I have done my job. LOL – last name change!! Girl yes!

  2. I watched you do this and you made it happen. Your enduring love, faith and grounding helped you on the journey of bringing your family together. Love y’all!

    1. Oh wow! We had to be intentional and it wasn’t always easy. Trust me, so I can imagine how you feel. My daughter’s relationship is like that with her biological father.

  3. Great tips! I dont believe in using the word Step either, I wrote a post about it a little while back, as we have a very blended family. IT creates division without even realizing it some times.

  4. Great tips! I came from a blended family as well, and my mom took a lot of these steps to make things a bit easier on all of us. I’m sure this will help someone out there who is struggling to do the same!

  5. Absolutely LOVE this post! We also have a blended family. My husband took on 3 kids, or likes to say was gifted with 3 daughters at the young age of 23…I am 9 years older! And we also brought 2 more into our tribe 🙂 And in addition to that are an interracial couple and moved away to Germany 14 years ago! NOT easy to say the least, but SO worth it! Your tips are straight on! Thanks for sharing and God bless!

  6. Fantastic tips. We have a blended family, and prayer is still the number one thing that gets us through. It hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t change a bit of the experience.

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