Category Archives: Embracing Life

5 Tips For Making My Blended Family Work

And the Two Became THREE
And the Two Became THREE

Many people ask, “how did you make your blended family work?” With so much divorce in our society, I can see how this perplexes folks. My prayer is that these 5 tips will help you in this journey called, LIFE.

Christmas in Germany
Christmas in Germany
  1. Pray!!!! I am so serious about this. Bringing children and a spouse together is a totally different dynamic that can make or break a new marriage. I prayed so many times for God to give me directions on how to keep not only my mind stayed on Him but on how to keep my cool. If you don’t have a prayer life, I would suggest starting today. Something like, “Look God, I need your help.” That’s how my prayers always started.
  2. I had to make some adjustments. At first, I did not want Don to discipline Gabi. This caused so much anger and frustration at the beginning of our marriage. But God has a sense of humor, because I found myself on bed-rest 7 months into our marriage. So guess who had to do everything?? Don did! That included disciplining Gabi. Once I made that adjustment and trusted him to love her, the arguments in that area stopped. We had other areas to overcome but we both had to agree to do what was best for not only her, but also for the two children we created.

    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
    Gabi visiting baby sister Doni
  3. We had to be okay with some things and not try to force it. I wanted to change Gabi’s last name to Barnett for the longest time. Every time we tried, something would happen. We even got her father on board with it but, he would change his mind right before we filed papers. Once I got over this thing that I wanted so bad, it didn’t matter. The funny thing about it is that, now she is married, and her last name is that of her husband.
  4. Let things happen organically. I wanted Don to be like my dad, but he is nothing like him. The more insisted he do things like my dad, the more he did the opposite which was, nothing at all. Once I eased up, he found his place with her. They both love movies, so every time a movie came out, they were right there. She ran track
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003
    Gabi, Doni, Jakim 2003

    and he loved track, so he decided to be her coach. This lasted for years until she got to high school. Now that she is in the Coast Guard, she calls him all the time and some times I have no clue that they even had a conversation.

  5. We never used the word STEP.  We felt like that made an immediate division in the home. So from the outset, he was daddy to her and he called her is daughter. No one knew he wasn’t her biological unless we told them, which wasn’t often. She has written him beautiful poetry since growing up calling him daddy. She calls her biological father by his first name. This organically happened and I’m glad we made a choice to not use STEP in our home.

Was having a blended family easy? Absolutely NOT! However,  we had to make conscious efforts to have real conversations about what was acceptable and what was not. I love what Don and Gabi’s relationship has finally become.

How have you made your blended family work?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

Love Pays Dividends

Love pays dividends big time when you are a giver. This weekend was uber busy for me! I took a 2 day road trip round trip that was exhausting but rewarding.

When I got home, hubby was handling Sunday dinner and getting our teens ready for school the next day. While I was in the shower, he ran out to get me these vibrant orange roses. He said he got them “JUST BECAUSE”. He said that I am always giving to others and he wanted to just give me something he knew I love: flowers.

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Vibrant Thing

Tuesday, he was stuck in traffic for over an hour and only drove about 15 miles from home. He turned around, went home  and decided to take the day off. He called me a few minutes before my lunch break to say he was coming by with lunch-for me. You know the best thing about this, he got my order right without asking what I wanted. LOL!!

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Lunch date side by side in our cars. #LovemesomeHim

To top it all off, he calls me and asks me to come straight home without making any stops. This dude grabs my keys when I walk in the door and heads to get new tires put on my car. I’ve been needing tires for a few months but our schedule never permitted for me to have them replaced.

New tires baby!!!
New tires baby!!!

You may be wondering why I titled this post, Love Pays Dividends. Well, I used to be an extremely selfish wife who complained unmercifully. Once I changed my ways, made deposits of love and respected my husband, he began to reciprocate. So, love does indeed pay dividends and I’m thankful we are both getting a return on our investments.

How do you and your husband make deposits of love into each other?

Get your autographed copy!
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

3 Life Lessons From My Book Signing Road Trip

This was my 1st road trip alone, since my book launched on June 4, 2016. On my 4hr drive back, I thought about the weekend and learned these 3 life lessons.

My moms friends, Mrs. Bragg celebrated her 91st birthday. 3rd picture is my mom's high school teacher.
My moms friends, Mrs. Bragg celebrated her 91st birthday. 3rd picture is my mom’s high school teacher.
  1. Your greatest blessings, most times, come in small packages. Initially, I didn’t want to go to this event because it was a small venue and I had no idea how many people were coming.  The blessing: I had an opportunity to learn from women in their 80s and 90s. Mrs. Bragg  said, “I’m not looking for a man my age. All they want is a nurse and my purse. They not getting my purse and I didn’t train to be no nurse.” #wisdom
  2. The amount of a gift is not as important as the heart behind the gift. Due to the generous support of these ladies, I was able to bless a young lady with a $100 donation for college. Initially, I felt like a failure for not raising more money but I realized that my donation was BIG in God’s eyes.
  3. It’s important to enjoy the journey. My family always drives through the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel without stopping at the bridge. Well, since I was by myself, I decided to stop. I was able to stand where the Atlantic Ocean dumps into the Chesapeake Bay. It was a relaxing experience and I did not have to rush. At my parent’s house,  my daddy fed me well and sent me hone with goodies for my family.

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I enjoyed being able to learn from from these hilarious seasoned ladies and spending time with my parents. It was a great trip and I am looking forward to many more.

Have you ever learned a life lesson on a trip you took by yourself?

Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.
Want ways to improve your marriage? Pick up a copy of my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real by clicking book.

What Was I Saying, “I Do” To?

Pronounced Man and Wife June 12, 1999

I was in my house the other day prepping for back to school, when I ran across a stack of our wedding day pictures. As I thumbed through each picture, I began to feel sad. I thought to myself, “I truly had no clue what I was saying ‘I do’ to.”

I actually found myself speaking to each picture as if the 1999 me could hear the 2016 me. I became so emotional, that I started to bawl in the middle of my living room floor, cradling my pictures with the love and care of a mother nursing her newborn.

After I got myself together, thoughts flooded my mind about how unprepared we are for marriage. Our vows vaguely came back and these few words I remembered, “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”.

WOW! Looking at those words 17 years later, I now see how heavy they are. Those vows carry so much weight but I feel, most people haven’t realized how serious they are nor are we prepared to live them fully and until death.

A Few Wedding Day Pictures

In those 17 years, Don and I experienced them all, except for death, thank God!

We stayed through rich (rich in love, peace, joy) times. We stayed through the numerous unemployed, food stamps, pre-foreclosure poor times. We stayed through (2) premature labors and our son being hospitalized countless times as a baby. We stayed through me kicking diabetes butt and embracing my hair loss together. We stayed through homeschooling, military transfers and sleeping on people’s floors with 3 kids.

As I think back, I realize that I said “I do” to things I had no idea would come our way. I’m thankful I didn’t quit. I’m thankful he didn’t leave. �I’m even more thankful we are in a place where I still say, “I do”.

I share Part I of our journey in my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real, Things I Wish I Knew Before I Said, “I Do”.

What are some things you and your husband had to overcome after saying, “I do”?

5 Tips to Keep Running!

While on a 5 mile run, I was thinking of and praying for my friends who are training for upcoming marathons and I realized faith is like marathon training. In case you didn’t know, a marathon is 26.2 miles and takes about 5-6 months to train for.

Just like marathon training, faith takes dedication, motivation and a desire to see the end result. For a marathon, it’s the finish line and your cheering family you want to see, for faith it is to see your prayers answered. Below are a few tips to keep running in your faith.

  1. You need information. A training plan, nutrition, and proper running gear are all needed prior to training. I needed to tape my shins, buy the right sports bra, wear compression shorts/socks and carry a water-bag for my race. To run a marathon, you have to do what is necessary to finish the race. A Bible, a church that teaches you the Word of God in a way you can understand and apply and a prayer life are all necessary to grow your faith, so you can keep running.
  2. There will be times when you don’t want to run 4 days a week and days when you don’t feel like running those 10, 15, 20, 23 miles…there will be days you don’t feel like going to church, reading your Bible, praying. You can’t be successful in either if you don’t put in the time and the energy. It takes effort to train; it takes effort to trust and believe God, and to keep running.
My 1st marathon , Marine Corp Marathon, in 2012
My 1st marathon , Marine Corp Marathon, in 2012
  1. You have to kindly ignore those who don’t have your vision. As I trained for the Marine Corp Marathon, non-runners would say things like, “I could never do that” or “you are crazy”. It’s the same with faith. People who haven’t trusted God for anything or seen their prayers answered will say you are crazy or tell you their defeated truth. Speak your truth in love, love them from a distance and keep running.
  2. Skipping training runs and poor nutrition will produce injuries and slow down your progress. With faith, there are no shortcuts either. There is no skipping prayer. You can’t miss your time reading God’s Word. This will only slow down progress to what you are believing God for, so keep running.
  3. Quitting before you see results, will produce no results at all. I had a setback during the marathon at mile 22. I fainted after using the port-a-potty and was actually carried to the medic tent by two Marines(imagine what you see in the movies – yup, that was me). I was 4.2 miles away from the finish line.

I had a choice when I saw them opening up IV bags: receive the IV for immediate fluids but not finish the race or drink large quantities of Gatorade slowly and hobble/walk/crawl to the finish line. I chose the latter and finished 6 minutes before the race finished. I wanted that medal and I GOT MY MEDAL!!! We can’t quit on our faith, no matter what your situation looks like. a sick child, a husband who is tripping, or even low funds, you got this. You may be just at the point of your breakthrough and just need to keep running.

(*Sidenote – After coming out of the medic tent, I walked up on a guy who asked to use our phone. He called his wife to come pick him up; we were at the 24th mile. At first I thought he was joking until he walked away and into a Starbucks to wait for her. He quit with only 2 miles left.*)

2 Tim 4:7 says, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

So today, don’t give up! Keep running for what you believe! It will happen if you don’t quit!